[He is catching all of that, watching it flash through your brain and straight to your heart quietly. No need to comment on it, though. As things stand, he's incapable of saying anything that might be comforting. That, and what you're saying now is... well. It's hard to hear. Hard to face.
[ Trying to shelve that memory away now, and failing -- a thing he accepts because given recent events, but it's time. He spent six years running away from a life he'd decided he could no longer have. Impossible was that first year away from home, putting Cindy and his father out of his mind.
Sure, he has them back now. But that was chance and maybe fate and a little intervention from people with more reach than him; people who weren't too close to the issue. ]
Nothing in the physical world is impossible to turn from. [ He doesn't know why he says it, only that it feels right. That, and for all that he suspects Makoto may react violently to being told this, Josh does sincerely think, it's time.
( You have to let me go. Unfinished business. The reasons why ghosts remained, why geists crawled up from the depths of the Underworld. ) ]
You just have to decide for yourself if stubbornly hanging onto something is good or bad for you. [ Flashing back again, to a girl whose laughter put him at ease, who he'd turned his gaze towards the window for, eventually giving up when it was clear she wasn't going to come by. ]
[There is no violent reaction: there's just a certain look, a painful twist of lips, and long and shaky sigh as he's sinking his face into his hands again, pressing the heels of his palms against his eyes.
It hurts. It still hurts. It's probably going to keep hurting for years to come.
(And even when it fades, all it's going to take is a look from that one, or the sound of his laughter, or the precise way that he walks through the world and towards everything in it to bring it back, sharp and brutal, to his awareness.)
The words are gone for a long moment, but the air around them remains steady. He has a better hold on himself now, and - in as much as he hates to admit it - he needed to hear that. It shows.]
I'll... [Swallowing.] I'll have to work on that.
[Releasing his hold, he means, and hanging it over Hikaru Shinta like some sort of guillotine. This isn't going to do anything but hurt them both, after all.]
[ He doesn't know why he thinks of her now, only that he does given the ties she'd established with everyone else he'd left behind.
( Midnight Riders get shore leave, Josh. She takes hers and goes back home to your little town to touch base with your boys. )
He'd read up on the Riders then, tried to reconcile the girl looking helplessly out over that ledge with the lifestyle led by a conspiracy whose people were always on the road.
Remembering now, the look that Hikaru Shinta had sent his way when he'd quietly murmured I guess, we just... drifted apart. I got sick, she never came by and we just... it was just gone. And then looking up to feel a hitch in his heart, because the Blade King was still looking at him, with eyes that knew too much.
He'd tried to leave then, rising quickly from his seat in that bar in Shin Yamatai's entertainment district, the core of him utterly rattled because Annie Finnick had been his Great Perhaps -- and he'd missed any chance with her all because someone's wires got crossed. ]
Letting go usually is. [ A kind look now, sent Makoto's way. That sympathetic silence that just goes: I feel you, bro. ]
[The amount of relief he feels the moment he catches the expression on Josh's face is a little ridiculous. They had long since established that they had much in common, but there was also the fact that technically speaking? They had not been with each other for all that long.
Still. Why did he seem to regard Joshua LaRue in the same way that he used to look at Kaien Yamazaki, or Feranen?
Ridiculous, really, this thing people called 'attachment'. When he smiles, it's more for himself than it is for Josh, but that's probably going to be difficult to tell.]
I suppose you're going to be stuck with me while I figure it all out.
[ For whatever reason that the former-Sin-Eater-now-Geist is smiling, Josh is just glad that he is. Honestly, he likes the guy. Makoto has, surprisingly enough, been such a grounding presence in various respects. ]
I got nothing but time, man.
[ He's offering you his pack again. The first stick is good for grounding, the second, you should be able to enjoy just for what it is. ]
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Perhaps he'll try again later.]
He's impossible to turn away from.
[Always has been, always will be.]
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Sure, he has them back now. But that was chance and maybe fate and a little intervention from people with more reach than him; people who weren't too close to the issue. ]
Nothing in the physical world is impossible to turn from. [ He doesn't know why he says it, only that it feels right. That, and for all that he suspects Makoto may react violently to being told this, Josh does sincerely think, it's time.
( You have to let me go. Unfinished business. The reasons why ghosts remained, why geists crawled up from the depths of the Underworld. ) ]
You just have to decide for yourself if stubbornly hanging onto something is good or bad for you. [ Flashing back again, to a girl whose laughter put him at ease, who he'd turned his gaze towards the window for, eventually giving up when it was clear she wasn't going to come by. ]
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It hurts. It still hurts. It's probably going to keep hurting for years to come.
(And even when it fades, all it's going to take is a look from that one, or the sound of his laughter, or the precise way that he walks through the world and towards everything in it to bring it back, sharp and brutal, to his awareness.)
The words are gone for a long moment, but the air around them remains steady. He has a better hold on himself now, and - in as much as he hates to admit it - he needed to hear that. It shows.]
I'll... [Swallowing.] I'll have to work on that.
[Releasing his hold, he means, and hanging it over Hikaru Shinta like some sort of guillotine. This isn't going to do anything but hurt them both, after all.]
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( Midnight Riders get shore leave, Josh. She takes hers and goes back home to your little town to touch base with your boys. )
He'd read up on the Riders then, tried to reconcile the girl looking helplessly out over that ledge with the lifestyle led by a conspiracy whose people were always on the road.
Remembering now, the look that Hikaru Shinta had sent his way when he'd quietly murmured I guess, we just... drifted apart. I got sick, she never came by and we just... it was just gone. And then looking up to feel a hitch in his heart, because the Blade King was still looking at him, with eyes that knew too much.
He'd tried to leave then, rising quickly from his seat in that bar in Shin Yamatai's entertainment district, the core of him utterly rattled because Annie Finnick had been his Great Perhaps -- and he'd missed any chance with her all because someone's wires got crossed. ]
Letting go usually is. [ A kind look now, sent Makoto's way. That sympathetic silence that just goes: I feel you, bro. ]
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Still. Why did he seem to regard Joshua LaRue in the same way that he used to look at Kaien Yamazaki, or Feranen?
Ridiculous, really, this thing people called 'attachment'. When he smiles, it's more for himself than it is for Josh, but that's probably going to be difficult to tell.]
I suppose you're going to be stuck with me while I figure it all out.
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I got nothing but time, man.
[ He's offering you his pack again. The first stick is good for grounding, the second, you should be able to enjoy just for what it is. ]
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Time, and an awareness of how to use it.
[That is a compliment, done in the typical Makoto Kuzunoha style.
Yeah, he is getting better.]
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--and then glancing over to his clock only to find it obscured by a pillow. ]
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[He's not going to force you if you don't want to, but... yeah. As things stand, he's better.]
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Killing his finished cigarette, reaching for another. ]
I'll stay up for a bit more. [ This is a smile your way, Makoto. He'll deal with sleep in a bit. ]
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As long as I get to smoke another one too, then.
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I'm good with that.