[ He's glancing over at Makoto now, and what the geist says is probably the first thing that makes him smile even if he still looks and feels like a wreck.
Walking back and sinking down beside the other man, he sighs. ]
What Brianna said, hurt. [ He's lookong down at his hands as he says this. ] I thought that... since she's essentially his daughter -- she'd get it, you know? [ He's pressing his lips together a moment as he arranges the things he wants to say in his head and tries to align them as much as possible with what he feels in his heart.
Sadly, the pieces aren't coming up right. And there's a pained look that crosses Josh's features, but he swallows it down and breathes out. ]
She told me there are no perfect friendships. And... [ breathe in, breathe out, Josh, no one's rushing you ] She's right.
[ He turns his gaze to Makoto, tries for a smile that says he agrees, but it stops short of his eyes. ]
It's not a perfect friendship. [ But the intensity of it... ] We just... maybe it's just me. You know him better. But he knows my tells, and I'm good with that. Even in the beginning, he'd send these random, weirdly psychic-ish messages and I'd be okay with them. They didn't freak me out. They never felt like he was intruding.
Or maybe I just that way because... Sin-Eater, right? Gotta get used to the constant presence of your geist. I mean, he used to be a Bladian. And sure, he doesn't have a bloodsinger taking up space in the attic, but he does have Death.
[ He hangs his head again. He's sorry, Makoto. He hedges deliberately when he's still working around the problem. ]
[ And this is head cradled back in his hands because his mind is toggling between answers that are all true -- although one hold more weight to him than the others. ]
[ He worries at his upper lip, and then: ] But I'm a selfish asshole and I just wanted to see and spend time him, screw everything else.
[ Shutting his eyes now, and knocking his head back against the wall. He doesn't want to think on the logic behind how he feels. The justifications that don't feel like justifications at all. ]
People are welcome to express their concern, and give their own opinions on the matter. The danger with buying into that all the time, though, is that you'll never be able to make your own calls.
[For better or for worse.
That goes unsaid, because he's certain that he doesn't actually need to tell you that.]
[ Opening his eyes now, the look in them hard, and hurt, and yes... just a little bit resentful. ]
Stanley knew before me. [ A breath. ] And since Kaz lives here, and the kid's incredibly perceptive, I think it's safe to say that he probably knows as well.
[ He doesn't want to feel like this. He doesn't want to feel so frustrated that he'd been walking around utterly clueless over Hikaru's behavior all because--
He's looking back at that wall now. And there's a twist in his chest as he whispers, even if he knows that with Makoto's Boneyard of Stillness in place, no one but the two of them will hear. ] Couldn't he have just told me. I thought we were good.
[ And this is him standing, fumbling a little because he has just lost one shoe and the parquet floor is surprisingly slippery when you're in a cotton sock. ]
Finish your cigarette. [ Hobbling over to grab his shoe -- no, fuck it -- sitting on the goddamn bed and just getting rid of the other, and then both socks. The pad is a shared space, right? Well, since it's shared space, then he can go pad around barefoot as much as he pleases.
Fucking idiot, Blade King my ass. Perception up to the Wazoo and still dumb as fuck.
Glancing to Makoto now and letting out a huff. ] Feel free to take the pack. I'll buy you a ream of Black Stones in the morning.
And a favor -- yeah, I'll owe you big -- make sure my nosy blademates stay asleep?
[ Marching towards his door now. He needs to have words with the moron sleeping soundly in ths other room. ]
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Walking back and sinking down beside the other man, he sighs. ]
What Brianna said, hurt. [ He's lookong down at his hands as he says this. ] I thought that... since she's essentially his daughter -- she'd get it, you know? [ He's pressing his lips together a moment as he arranges the things he wants to say in his head and tries to align them as much as possible with what he feels in his heart.
Sadly, the pieces aren't coming up right. And there's a pained look that crosses Josh's features, but he swallows it down and breathes out. ]
She told me there are no perfect friendships. And... [ breathe in, breathe out, Josh, no one's rushing you ] She's right.
[ He turns his gaze to Makoto, tries for a smile that says he agrees, but it stops short of his eyes. ]
It's not a perfect friendship. [ But the intensity of it... ] We just... maybe it's just me. You know him better. But he knows my tells, and I'm good with that. Even in the beginning, he'd send these random, weirdly psychic-ish messages and I'd be okay with them. They didn't freak me out. They never felt like he was intruding.
Or maybe I just that way because... Sin-Eater, right? Gotta get used to the constant presence of your geist. I mean, he used to be a Bladian. And sure, he doesn't have a bloodsinger taking up space in the attic, but he does have Death.
[ He hangs his head again. He's sorry, Makoto. He hedges deliberately when he's still working around the problem. ]
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[And now he's holding out that cigarette you abandoned in your direction. Yes, he'll light it for you (don't argue with him on it).
Yes, he is also aware of the fact that you're hedging, just as he is equally aware of the fact that this is part of your process.
The look on his face right now? It's spelling out something simple: Keep talking.]
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He takes the cigarette. Accepts the light.
And then, softly, with a tone of quiet hurt: ] We click.
[ He takes a puff. ]
And I lied because I had this... weird feeling [ he soinds pretty choked up ] that she might tell me not to.
[ He takes a second drag. Exhales. ] I don't even know why I thought that. But when she took my answer for what it was, I was relieved.
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[Because Makoto has his own Words on that matter, but he'll save it for after he hears your take.]
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Well?
[They are going to be at this all night if they have to be.]
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She's a good friend and she's his daughter.
[ He worries at his upper lip, and then: ] But I'm a selfish asshole and I just wanted to see and spend time him, screw everything else.
[ Shutting his eyes now, and knocking his head back against the wall. He doesn't want to think on the logic behind how he feels. The justifications that don't feel like justifications at all. ]
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[Tilting his head in your direction now.]
People are welcome to express their concern, and give their own opinions on the matter. The danger with buying into that all the time, though, is that you'll never be able to make your own calls.
[For better or for worse.
That goes unsaid, because he's certain that he doesn't actually need to tell you that.]
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Stanley knew before me. [ A breath. ] And since Kaz lives here, and the kid's incredibly perceptive, I think it's safe to say that he probably knows as well.
[ He doesn't want to feel like this. He doesn't want to feel so frustrated that he'd been walking around utterly clueless over Hikaru's behavior all because--
He's looking back at that wall now. And there's a twist in his chest as he whispers, even if he knows that with Makoto's Boneyard of Stillness in place, no one but the two of them will hear. ] Couldn't he have just told me. I thought we were good.
[ It's not a question. ]
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He doesn't say anything, not until after he's taken a drag from his cigarette.]
Could he? Could he really?
[The look on his face is bereft of judgement yet again. Let's see how this plays out.
Think on it, kid.]
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Wide eyes. Lips parting as realization dawns and the pieces finally click into place.
This is a shoe. This is a shoe flung hard at this side of the wall separating you from one Josh LaRue, Hikaru Shinta. ]
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To be completely, brutally honest? Makoto wasn't expecting THAT. Like. At all.
Blinking up at you now, and then smiling.]
You could at least let me finish this cigarette first.
[Because he is going to clear out of here so fast now.]
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Finish your cigarette. [ Hobbling over to grab his shoe -- no, fuck it -- sitting on the goddamn bed and just getting rid of the other, and then both socks. The pad is a shared space, right? Well, since it's shared space, then he can go pad around barefoot as much as he pleases.
Fucking idiot, Blade King my ass. Perception up to the Wazoo and still dumb as fuck.
Glancing to Makoto now and letting out a huff. ] Feel free to take the pack. I'll buy you a ream of Black Stones in the morning.
And a favor -- yeah, I'll owe you big -- make sure my nosy blademates stay asleep?
[ Marching towards his door now. He needs to have words with the moron sleeping soundly in ths other room. ]
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[Calm, casual and also deathly amused. Pun intended.
Also not moving.]
I'll stay here and give you two some space.
[Good luck?]
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